woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize