Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize