is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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