we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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