I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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