Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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