don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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