last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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