You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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