Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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