My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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