I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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