as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize