I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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