We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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