Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize