is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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