I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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