Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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