I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize