I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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