Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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