ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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