there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize