i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize