girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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