Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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