People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You need a sexual gate keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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