Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize