Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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