I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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