I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize