Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize