i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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