I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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