At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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