True but thats because hes a fetus.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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