i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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