and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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