right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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