there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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