Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize