Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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