Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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