i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize