i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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