Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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