3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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