The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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