Welp...herpes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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